C & D
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The Lawyercaster — butterscotch Cease & Desist guitar, lit cinematically
Case No. 26-CV-TONE-001 · Filed Under Protest

Cease & DesistGuitars

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The Lawyercaster · Exhibit A
Status: Disputed
Provenance: Allegedly Original
Exhibit 01 — Origin

We build guitars until someone tells us not to.

It began with a letter. Certified mail, a Tuesday, the kind of envelope you don't open standing up. By Friday we had a logo, a workshop, and the firm conviction that tone should be free.

Our attorneys believe we should stop saying "tone should be free." We have compromised: we now say it quietly, and only in writing.

Our founder previously worked at , a fact we are legally unable to confirm, deny, or feel good about. What we can confirm is this: every guitar we make is original, handbuilt, and shipped before anyone can stop us.

Every headstock is finished by hand and inspected twice — once for quality, and once by someone nervously asking whether we are allowed to do this. We are not. We do it beautifully anyway.

We don't copy. We don't borrow. We simply build beautiful instruments and wait, with dignity, for the inevitable.

The Cease & Desist headstock, hand-finished
Headstock, Exhibit A1 · Hand-finished · Do not touch
Pending

The Company

Filed: Recently · Incorporated: Optimistically

Established
Last quarter, roughly
Headquarters
A jurisdiction
Employees
Fewer than the lawyers
Letters received
Eleven and counting
Guitars shipped
Faster than they arrive
Affiliations
Legally, none
Exhibit 02 — The Collection

Two instruments. Two ways to get sued.

We make exactly two guitars. One is a single-cutaway workhorse. One is a contoured legal maneuver. Both are submitted, respectfully, into evidence.

Both models handbuilt to order. Lead time: 6–8 weeks, or until enjoined, whichever arrives first.

Exhibit 03 — The Case For Us

Why choose a guitar that may not be legal for long.

Sustain longer than most lawsuits.

Notes ring for days. Our pending cases ring for years. We have learned a great deal about both.

Lifetime warranty.

Every instrument is covered for the full life of the instrument — repairs, setups, the works.

* Until prohibited.

Hand assembled.

By people who have read the terms and conditions. All of them. Out loud. To each other.

Attorney disapproved.

No legal professional has ever endorsed this company. We consider that our strongest review.

Ships in unmarked packaging.

Discreet. Unbranded. For your protection, and frankly, for ours.

Made with 100% genuine optimism.

Ethically sourced. Sustainably foolish. The only ingredient we have in abundance.

Exhibit 04 — Testimony

The witnesses speak.

Unsolicited, unedited, and in several cases submitted against the express advice of counsel.

Exhibit 05 — The Clock

Estimated Time Until First Cease & Desist

14Days
00Hours
00Minutes
00Seconds

Disclaimer: This timer is completely made up. So is most of our legal confidence. The actual letter may arrive sooner, later, or in a dream. No refunds on anticipation.

Exhibit 06 — Cross-Examination

Questions, answered under oath.

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We'll send you new models, restocks, and the occasional emotional update on our legal standing. While we still can.

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